Own your Scars

Our scars define who we are, they carry our biography. Due to our human condition, we are bound to suffer and to create suffering. We cause pain with our disconnection and ignorance, in the same way that we are hurt by other’s lack of awareness. When we embark on the process of self-development we choose to relate differently with suffering. Responsibility is key. We are responsible for the suffering we cause as well as for the suffering we experience. Once something happens to me, it belongs to me. It becomes my responsibility to deal with the psychological and emotional aftermath of the experience.

We tend to shy away from traumatic events to cope with the pain. This self-preservation strategy is understandable but doesn’t solve the problem. Painful, traumatic events don’t just go away when we bury them in the depth of our minds. Painful memories continue living within us, stuck in our systems waiting for us to release them. Trauma keeps recurring. Every time our nervous system gets triggered, we revisit trauma. That is how conditioning works. 

In order to heal we need to go back to the original distress and hold space for our painful emotions and physical responses to be transformed. Once trauma gets liberated and integrated, it turns into wisdom and compassion. You realize your own suffering serves you to better understand others.

Reflect on the following questions:

• Who made me suffer?
• What am I doing with my pain?
• How is past trauma affecting my current life?
• In which ways am I causing pain to others?
• How can I change this?
• What is preventing me from having a caring and loving relationship with a particular person?

Compassion is born from understanding suffering

Thich Nhat Hanh

I work with couples and individuals. If you would like to book an online session with me please get in touch here.