Destroying to Build – Our Fear of Change
Destroying to build. Our fear of change

Destroying to Build – Our Fear of Change

Destroying to Build

By Isabel Galiardo

One of our greatest fears is the fear of change. Change forces us to face the unknown, to abandon our references and our security, to enter new and uncertain territory. Change is death, it implies the end of a time and the beginning of another.

In the Hindu Trinity, Shiva, the God of destruction and death, plays a fundamental role in the cycle of existence. Without these forces, there would be no evolution, there would be no transformation, we would always remain stuck in the same place, trapped, fixed, dead.

We face a wonderful paradox: without death, there is no life. In order to grow and evolve, we need to die, to change. It is essential to remember that change is necessary, that it is fundamental to our progress. Change invites us to develop different aspects of our being and offers us the possibility of experiencing different dimensions of our humanity, always with the purpose of becoming the best version of ourselves.

Our first great move occurs at birth, we die to our intrauterine existence by leaving the womb to begin our life as individuals on earth. The baby dies to give way to the child, the child gives way to the teenager and then to the young person, the adult and the elder. These different vital stages lead us through successive deaths and resurrections. Life drags us, drives us forward, mobilizes and transforms us, killing us and making us be reborn a thousand times.

On a psychological level, whenever we gain understanding, abandon an old belief, or let go of a certain prejudice, we are making space for the birth of something new, more encompassing and inclusive.

It is a liberating and enriching act which is preceded by tension, rigidity and resistance. Something is about to come to an end and we find it hard to let go.

In times of change, we feel fear, we contract and we resist. This resistance is due to us doubting our abilities to handle the impending change. 

The processes of change are fantastic opportunities to better understand our fears and attachments, to recognize them and face them with consciousness.

The key is to trust, to move towards the apparent emptiness, despite the vertigo. At that moment, we do not have the clarity to see where our steps will lead us to but we do have the certainty that a process has started and that within it lies a growth potential. Then, with the perspective that time gives us, we will realize that what we interpreted as a loss would end up becoming a gain, a progress on an inner level.

Each biographical stage entails its own challenges. Depending on our limitations and our strengths, we will live each change as an expansive and rewarding phase or as an intolerable and difficult loss to overcome. In any case, it is about cultivating the basic trust in life which sustains and leads us along the paths that are necessary for our learning and evolution. When we trust, transitions are more fluid, we relax and cooperate, putting ourselves in consonance with and at the service of existence. If we connect with the wise and loving current of life, then life becomes an adventure, magic and miraculous and we are available to dance with her movements.

To resist change, to try to cling to life, is therefore like holding your breath: if you persist you kill yourself. Alan Watts

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